Non-resident parenting at its best: Tip 2 - Common sense dating

John has two young daughters from a previous marriage and thankfully he has regular contact with them. But he has a problem. His new partner doesn't like children ... and not just his children ... I mean any children! (this is a true story by the way with names changed for obvious reasons)

Whatever John's feelings for his partner, because of his family situation, the relationship is untenable and at best, it will be permanently fraught with difficulties, crashing agendas and plenty of heartache all round. The last time I heard from him, his partner was moving in with him and she was still complaining bitterly over the frequency with which he sees his kids. Even when his daughters grow up, what about any children they have?

So a word of advice for non-resident parents who are ready to date:

1) If your prospective partner doesn't like kids, it's a bad start, in fact, it's so bad that it's a DEAL BREAKER. Move on and find someone who does like children because you're a parent ...  which means you're not technically 'single' until your kids have grown up because they're an intrinsic part of the YOU package you offer.

2) If it's the reverse scenario and your partner is fine with children and likes your offspring, but your children don't like her/him, well that's not such bad news. Give it time ... it takes children a while to get used to someone new and sometimes the dislike is provoked by a bitter ex partner who is not ready for you to move on. 

3) Get a firm contact order in place before you become 'open' about your new relationship. 

Non-resident parents usually have more time and freedom to explore new relationships than the resident parent and in many cases, a new relationship heals some of the pain caused by no longer living with your children on a day-to-day basis. But without a firm contact order in place, new partners can spell trouble ... big trouble, for you and your contact with your children. 

However bad things were to cause the split with your ex partner (who is now the resident parent), things will get much worse as she/he struggles to adjust to a new parental figure around the children as well as a new person in your life. In some cases she/he will reduce or obstruct your contact in order to punish you ... it may sound negative but it happens ... alot. 

Get a firm contact order before you hit the dating scene - any new partner who genuinely cares about you will be patient and discreet whilst you sort out your contact order. 

Thanks for reading

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