Non-resident parenting at its best: Tip 1 - Make peace with unfair

I used to be a non-resident dad and spent years wrestling with the unfairness of my situation. 

The problem for non-resident parents in the UK is that the legal system greatly favours the resident parent, something which renders the non-resident parent utterly powerless and reliant on the good will of the resident parent, particularly if the children are young.  

Unfortunately, there are resident parents who use their children as a weapon to attack their ex-partners (the non-resident parent) by blocking contact in some cases, or constantly changing plans and creating a contact situation which is governed by the resident parent's whims and needs, rather than the needs of the children or what is reasonable.

In response to the unfairness it can be tempting to become bitter:

About your ex partner (the resident parent), something which negatively affects your emotions and long term physical health whilst also preventing you from thinking clearly when negotiating on key contact issues such as Christmas, frequency of contact or any contact at all. You'll also be tempted into 'ex partner slating' when you are with your kids and this only harms them, and their relationship with you.

About the system so you'll waste time, energy and possibly money, fighting a battle which you're destined to lose. 

About life which spoils your chances of moving on and being happy.

Thankfully there is a better way which worked wonders for me and my children when I was non-resident parent.

I focused on changing what I could actually change, whilst accepting the things I couldn't change and making peace with unfair. 

Life has always been unfair and will always be unfair. For some people it's economic unfairness or health related unfairness ... for non-resident parents it's relationship unfairness.

Make peace with it ... it's tough, but you have no choice so accept it as part of your life at the moment and when you make peace with unfair, you stop torturing yourself about the injustic you face. You also free your mind and energy to seek personal happiness whilst focusing on being the best parent you can be when you're with your children.

If, after everything, you still crave revenge ... be happy and make the most of your life - it's the best revenge you could take.  

Thanks for reading

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