When it comes to wine, champagne and pate, the French are pretty much ahead of us Brits … but there’s another area where they definitely have the edge.
Across Britain, there’s been a
surge in the number of rope swing/assault courses, which are set in the trees
and under the banner of GO APE. They make for a great family day out and even
for light-hearted people, they’re fairly tame affairs. But take yourself across the
channel to one of the French versions and you enter a different world. The
complexity of their courses, the difficulty of the obstacles and the sheer
height factor, it’s enough to give the wobbles to the bravest of souls.
And so it was, on a family
holiday in the South of France last year, that along with my eldest daughter
aged 10, I found myself clinging to a tree for dear life, 15 meters up,
streaming with sweat and wondering why I’d paid good money to put us through
such a trial. Unfortunately for my daughter's two friends (also aged 10), they
were also up there with us, hanging on and also wishing they were back on solid
ground.
Now there are a lot of
similarities between my daughter and her friends. They’re sporty, fit,
happy and outgoing, they receive strong parenting and are encouraged greatly in
the various aspects of their lives, but on that day, there was one crucial
difference between them which meant that my daughter completed the course whilst her
friends had to be helped down by the staff and went home disappointed that
they’d not been able to complete it.
Due to some of the unique
challenges, which my daughter has faced, she’s been deliberately coached
to handle herself in times of extreme stress and has developed well-rehearsed
strategies to control her mind.
On several occasions during the
course, my daughter could be heard repeating to herself
"I’m harnessed so I can’t fall.
This might be scary, but I can do this."
"Come on, you can do
this. It’s just the height that makes this scary and I'm harnassed so I can't
fall."
On several occasions, I heard
her friends say:
"I’m going to fall, I’m going to
fall."
"I can’t do this, I’m stuck."
Unsurprisingly, for my daughter
and her friends, their self-talk dictated the outcome (as it does in so many
situations in our lives). Up in the trees and fighting
the fear, my daughter demonstrated her ability to MANAGE HER STATE,
something, which is critical for success whether that’s in sport, relationships
or business.
- She focused on her permanent
strengths (“Come on, you can do this.")
- She avoided paralysis through fear
by considering the situation from a variety of angles (“It’s just the height
that makes this scary. I can’t fall because I’m harnessed.”)
So a key question
remains for parents … how do you teach children to manage their state?
Tip 1 - Be a model:
Children replicate their
parent’s characteristics. Whatever you want your child to be and whatever you
want them NOT to be, examine your own behaviour to check it sets the right
example.
Subtle hint - YOU CANNOT EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO MANAGE THEIR STATE IF YOU'RE UNABLE TO MANAGE YOURS!
Family life is tiring, whether
it’s housework, finances, school runs, temper tantrums … it never stops and
often it’s overwhelming. Amidst the chaos and fatigue, it’s easy to allow bits
of negativity to go unchallenged, but once it does, it’s a slippery slope.
Whether your child is complaining
about housework, school-work, or they’re trying a new food, or struggling with a
subject they don’t like or an activity you’ve planned … you must be 100% committed to
weeding out the word “can’t” from their vocabulary (and yours). The word “can’t“, leads
children to avoid the things which they could conquer in time, and it paralyses
them when the pressure is on.
Tip 3 – Coaching
approach to parenting
The more you command and the
less you coach, the less your children will think for themselves and the less
they’ll be able to think their way out of difficult situations. Therefore, if
you want your children to be successful, you have to encourage them to think
for themselves and adopt a coaching parenting approach instead of a commanding
approach:
For example, swop:
"Get off the fence because
you’ll break it." (command)
With:
"What will happen if you keep
playing on the fence?" (coaching)
Allow your children to find the
answers for themselves, guiding them to the answers if necessary.
Tip 4 – Strength
finding
Invest time with your children
to help them discover, and remember their unique strengths. Their awareness of
the things which make them special and valued, will be vital to keeping them
positive and logical when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Thanks for reading - I help people achieve more in their lives by developing their resilience, influence and productivity.
Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946
Email me - enquiries@impactlife.co.uk
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Check out my website - www.impactlife.co.uk
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