Leadership/Parenting Tip: Getting the best out of those we lead

Most of us are guilty of it at some point or another ...

"I've told you not to put it there a thousand times."

"How many times have I said not to eat on the sofa?

"I told you again and again that you'd struggle to pass your exams if you didn't revise."

We badly want our children/team members to succeed and on the surface, we understand that the more patient our approach when things go wrong, the better our level of rapport with those we lead, but:

Surely there are times when 'saying it how it is' is not only acceptable, but advisable? I'm afraid not! 

Whether we like it or not, people largely behave according to the identity they hold for themselves and that identity is greatly influenced by who they perceive as their leaders. If you encourage your children/team members to believe that they always forget what you say and/or they never listen to you, they're more likely to live up to that behaviour rather than avoid it, regardless of the punishments waiting for them. But if you encourage them to believe that they're better than the behaviour they exhibit and that you're actually surprised by it (whether it's truly what you believe or not), you subtly influence their subconciousness to want to achieve better and to also believe that it's possible.  

"I've told you not to put it there a thousand times."

"I'm surprised you've put it there because I've mentioned it a few times now and you're a good listener."

"How many times have I said not to eat on the sofa?"

"Considering that you're so switched on as a person, I'm both annoyed and surprised that you're eating on the sofa when I've asked you not to."

"I told you again and again that you'd struggle to pass your exams if you didn't revise."

"At the moment, I'm gutted for you that you didn't pass. I know you're better than the mark you achieved and I've no doubt that you'd have secured a much better mark had you revised more than you did."


Final Thought: 

If you pride yourself on being a straight-talking leader, think before you talk and ask yourself:

1) Is my straight-talking linked to my need for an ego boost?

2) How do others feel when I 'say it how it is'?

3)  Is my straight-talking the wisest psychological response to this issue? Or a knee-jerk reaction born out of my annoyance?

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